“…but what if bread eats man?”

Book of the Week: Three Mile an Hour God, by Kosuke Koyama, 1979

Song of the Week: Faithful Then / Faithful Now (Youtube version), Elevation Worship, 2024

Several months ago, I was talking with a counselor about a question I knew I needed to ask someone. I was in a weird spot and there was a question that would change the trajectory of the situation for the better (or would at least add more clarity), but I didn’t want to ask it. The counselor and I bantered around for a while on this visit, he asked good questions, I deflected them well (per usual), until he got direct - he said “why won’t you ask that?” to which I responded “because I’m afraid of what people will think of me.” He came back like Curry just hit a three in the Finals, something like “Boom! There it is!” He was right, of course - so much of my mess is self-inflicted and insecurity-based.

I went on to ask that question we just talked about, it did in fact change the trajectory of the situation, but that’s not what this article is about. The slow realization that much of what I do is tied to the opinions of others is starting to send me on a journey, and in this entry, I’d like to talk about where it’s taking me.

First, it’s taken me to my knees in prayer. It could be other situations in my life, could be the weather, the election, the recent uptick in Waffle House requests from students when we make breakfast plans (and the ensuing bodily…trials…that come with WH) - whatever it is, I’ve never been in a season of life where I’ve been more aware of my own weakness than the season I’m in now. I think it’s a good thing too! There’s something beautiful that can happen when the filter comes off, or you pop the hood and your driving motivations are exposed. It’s a little dangerous, but isn’t life? It could go either way - the world offers plenty to numb the trials (sex, drugs, rock and roll, etc.) and they work, kind of like lipstick on a pig. Do we take that route? Do we disassociate when it all becomes a little too much? The path of disassociation is a circle - it’s a right at the fork in the road, which is a long dark path that bends around and just puts you back on the same path, a long way back on the progress you’d already made. What is the alternative? I’ve found prayer to be a refuge. This article isn’t about prayer, that could be it’s own blog site; plus talking about prayer in a post-enlightenment culture is a bit laborious. Inviting people into a practice that is difficult, takes a lot of time, sometimes very hard to learn, where their skill progression won’t be linear, they’re not in control of the outcomes, and won’t necessarily solve any of their problems - tough sell for the 21st century Westerner! I am but a rookie in the field of genuine prayer, but I’m happy to be here.

Next, it’s taken me to the essentials. I’m in my Kosuke phase - the book Three Mile an Hour God (Koyama, 1979) reads like a collection of meditations on the state of affairs. There’s great benefit in reading authors outside of our cultural context; Koyama was poetic and surgical in his cutting through modernity to get at the heart of things - as if to show us why the way our culture is structured creates such a deficit of meaning and grounding. One meditation on stuff struck me at my core - the problem is, what happens when the things we need to consume start to consume us? It’s summed up in this great line: “man must eat bread, but what if bread eats man?” He went on, what if car drives man, etc. and I couldn’t help but be convicted of my own lack of gratitude, and it’s in this conviction that my prayer and life focus has begun to turn toward rooting out discontentment and focusing on the essentials. There’s a sweetness in starting to let go of the image maintenance of our time and instead shift our investment toward the necessities.

Lastly, it’s taken me deeper into relationships. This is a simple one, and one that checks out - the less you try to manage your image with people, the more authentic your relationships will be. This goes for prayer as well! In Abba’s Child (Manning, 2015), Brennan Manning wrote a chapter that has seemed to stick around in the minds of those who’ve read the book - it’s called The Imposter. I could take or leave some of the rest of the book, but in that chapter there’s a line where Manning says that when we come to God with a facade, presenting a false version of ourselves, the work of prayer tends to be stunted. As Manning puts it, when we show up as an imposter, God will not move because when he looks at us “he sees no one there”.

I invite you to think about where you’re living for the opinions of others.

In love,

Josh