A Normal Week
Okay okay! I’ll admit it…I've been listening to Beyonce in the car this week. I slept on Cowboy Carter when it came out, then I heard 16 Carriages in a coffee shop on Wednesday and now it’s stuck in my head forever, apparently. Since nothing super important happened this week in world news, I figured I'd tell you what music I’m listening to and why I was in that coffee shop to begin with.
On Tuesday (again, very normal day, nothing out of the ordinary going on) I got a text from one of my best friends, Michael, saying he’d be working remotely from a coffee shop the next morning (shouts Partial, and Shay Gregory). This was in a group chat with him, myself, and one of my other best friends, Scott - we’ve known each other for five years and they are two of the best men ever. Incidentally the group is titled “this is now a forward progress chat” and you don’t get to know what that means; you’re left to merely speculate, debate, ponder, and place bets. Anyway, we get this text often from Mike and if I’m available, it’s a yes. Why? Well, for one, my friends are awesome, two, I love some remote work, and three, I love a coffee shop. It’s like three of my favorite things combined into one activity.
“Josh, get to the point.” Okay - here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately: if the main reason why I do something is selfish, my life will trend toward emptiness. I don’t know if those are the right words, so let me give an example. If my approach to relationships is “what can I get out of this?” that relationship is bound to fall apart. I will become bored, or even resentful, and the other person will be crushed under the weight of my expectations. This might sound oddly specific and unrelatable, but I think it’s the American way.
In a highly individualistic, competitive, and pleasure-oriented culture, we are raised to look out for number one. Many of us grew up learning at the “what’s in it for me?” school of philosophy. This makes the spiritual life so difficult to enter into as a westerner. I’ve mentioned prayer before, seeming like a bad deal to our types; it’s partly because there’s no actuary to tell you a precise ROI on time spent in prayer, there’s no guaranteed graph with Bible reading on the X-axis and holiness on the Y, not many sure thing “if, then”s that would seem all that enticing to adrenaline junkies. And yet, feeding on the Gospel is the only fulfilling path to nourishment.
Maybe I’m splitting hairs or throwing rocks at phantoms, but I’m slowly becoming convinced that this is one of the most pervasive problems in our culture. If “will I have fun?” becomes the defining factor in whether or not we go to church, we will eventually stop going to church. If we only serve others because it makes us feel good, we will eventually stop serving others. If your purpose for pursuing someone romantically is primarily selfish, that relationship will end. If the only reason I go to coffee with Michael and Scott is for me to get something out of it, they will leave feeling used, and I will leave empty.
Here’s my nuance: we’re all needy, it’s not a bad thing (it’s actually part of what makes us human) what’s important is how we try to fill those needs. We can be forgiven for thinking the hole in our hearts can be filled with possessions, sex, and other idols - it’s what we’re taught, but there comes a point along the road to Christ where you realize “it is more blessed to give, than to receive.” Approach your next relationship with the mindset of “what can I get from this person” and watch it crumble, but approach it with the mindset of “how can I lift this person up” and show them that they are worthy, not because of what they can give you, but because their value is inherent, and watch it flourish.
There’s so much more to say, maybe next week/month/year. We’re about to take 120 high schoolers to camp for the weekend and I need to run and buy shower soap. This weekend’s going to be awesome for our students - pray for them!
In love,
Josh
